I know that all of you are dying for more information about me right? You must be or you wouldn't be reading this blog, that is in fact all about me.
So, in light of your interest (and my desire to be more "emotional") here is a little insight about me that I have learned in the past week.
Over the last few weeks, I have been struggling to find my purpose.While I am sure every one of you reading this has struggled with finding your purpose and while I am sure that this is not the first or the last time I will struggle with it either, I just thought I'd share a little knowledge about myself that I have gained.
So, anyway, in the past week, I have had the opportunity to take two different personality and/or giftedness tests. I really enjoyed them both for different reasons.
The first one was through Prairie View here in Newton and it was called the Process Communication Model and basically it assesses me through 6 different personality perspectives (how I see the world) and then tells me how those six are arranged. My result (or current phase if you've taken it) is Workaholic by way of a Reactor.
(If you want to know more about those, just let me know. This could go on forever if I tried to tell you about it all now.)
Then I took the Spiritual Gifts or Uniquely You seminar at Grace Community Church. The results from that one said directly if all your graph plotting points are above the line (mine were), then you have a very strong desire to over-achieve. Which according to the facilitator is only enhanced by my type D personality (meaning I am logical, determined and responsible).
What is the point?
I am sure you are wondering now that I have rambled on for about 3 years.
I struggle in finding my purpose and struggle in my daily walk with my Savior because I am a control FREAK.
Ok, so control freak might be a little strong. But I do like to control things, I don't like to ask for help (just ask Ryan or my parents - its bad), and I do like to be overly responsible.
I really discovered this last night, when I asked my friend Julie if she would be willing to be my accountability and prayer partner. It was so, so, so hard to ask her to help me.
When I told her it was hard to ask, she said, "Why?!?" Which is a valid question, because we talk about just about everything else in the world.
I told her "I don't know." But really, I do. I like to be responsible and not ask for help.
So, in conclusion, perhaps I am struggling to find where I belong because I am not willing to give up my "need to achieve" or my "need to control" and listen to what God is asking me to do.
Perhaps that is why He changed my plans for continuing school this semester.
Perhaps it was God telling me, in the words of Sister Mary Clarence, its time to
"wake up and pay attention."
If I want to be somebody or go somewhere, I need to wake up and pay attention.
God does have a plan for my life. A plan for me to be somebody and go somewhere for Him.
And, I need to believe it and have a little faith.