haphazard musings

faith...

faith is...

"the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  hebrews 11.1

yes i know that.  yes i believe that.

with all my heart. 

i believe that God will fulfill all the promises He has made me and to all those who know him.

i believe that in the end Jesus wins. 

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sometimes, that is the truth that i must repeat to myself over and over again: Jesus wins, have faith.

this has been one of those weeks.

one of those weeks where things happen that have no explaination.

one of those weeks where you say "ok God, i know what you want me to learn...got it."

one of those weeks where you can clearly see the blessings even when they get all tangled up.

one of those weeks where you ask "just give me the next step...i don't need the whole plan...just the next step."

it's been one of those weeks.

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since coming back from china, I feel like i have had several of those weeks.

when you come home from a big experience, it always feels a little like a let down.  we've all experienced that. i am sure you have too, right?

but this has been so much more than that.

when God changes your heart, it's like you are just unsettled

-  like all the things you used to know are nothing compared to all the things you know now.

-  like you know what's out there, but you don't know what to do with what you know.

-  like the things you used to do just aren't good enough any more.

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at Igniter (youth group) we sing:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

(Hillsong - Hosanna)

 

This song seems to have some new meaning for me.

After seeing what we saw, and knowing what we know...

sometimes the only thing that can get you through is faith.

FAITH.

it's a big word.

with an even bigger meaning.

but everything it encompasses is there, resting just within my grasp. 

(He won't ever put it out of reach.)

and i cling.

hard.

repeating.

He will win.

have faith.

He will win.

by faith ... you too will win.

my favorite pictures

from China were taken when we were at the orphanage.  

sadly most of mine from there were gone with the camera. :(  but luckily, everyone else was a little camera happy too. :)

so i thought i would share these pictures and thoughts with you.

This was the most challenging part of the whole trip for me. (And apparently I am working backwards through the trip.)  It was challenging because it was one of those times you could just FEEL God telling you what His plans are for you.  Even when you may not be ready to hear the truth or even know what you are listening to.  

You know?

Anyway...

We visited the Show Hope Healing Home, in Zheng Zhou - a place for orphaned babies to go when they are recovering from or dealing with an illness or disease of some kind.  Many of them have cleft palates or heart conditions.

Obviously, we bonded.

I put two, yes two, little tykes to sleeep.  They just completely zonked out in my arms.  The caretakers seemed impressed.

Yes, I have skills.  Just call me the baby whisperer and call me if you need me.  My number is 555-skills.

My patience and skill know no bounds.

I wanted to pick them all up and put them in my suitcase and bring them home.  

For real.

Seriously.

All 50 of them or more.

Seriously, I know I could find wonderful families for all those kids, if the mamas and papas (also a band form the 60's) could just snuggle them for a minute.  

That's all it takes for your heart to knit to one of these little kiddos - one minute.

Fortunately and unfortunately, you can't just carry a baby through customs.  

Ryan you would have loved that, right?!? (I am pretty sure you would have loved it!)

(photos courtesy of facebook albums of Olivia and Tami.)

But did you know, you can sponsor those kids right now?

You can, check out this website.

Seriously, look at that face.

How can you not love her?  I want to squeeze her right now!

Luckily, these are some of the best cared for orphans in the whole world.  Their caretakers must be amoung the most loving and smiling women in China.  Each baby was held everyday and snuggled and fed and changed and bathed and loved...everyday.

Did you know that is uncommon in orphanages around the world?

Well, it's true.

And you can make it better, by adopting or sponsoring one of these little faces or finding one of your own around the world.

Like our friends who are currently in the process of adopting some precious little people right now.

Check out Paige's story and Ian and Julie's story.

So it's pretty crazy

when you think about it.

Last week, I was roaming around China (well just Beijing) illegaly.

As I was driving home from work today, it dawned on me how crazy that was.

For real.

Totally over the loss of my actual stuff, and really just thinking about the actual fact that my passport was just gone.  It's so weird to look back on it and think "whoa...that happened." It kind of feels like a movie that I saw and not my real life.

But it did.  I spent six days in China as an illegal alien.

(you would normally see a sad face picture here...but I wasn't really in the mood for picture taking.)

Then I was really happy to get my visa so I could leave Friday morning.

 

We actually went to the Exit and Entry Administration a total of four times.  It was very stressful going there. 

They spoke very little English.

THey never smiled - even when we said thank you.

And frankly they weren't very nice.

But they got me what I needed.

See...

The most common question since I got back is "would you do it again?"

And my answer is absolutely, unconditionaly, unabashedly yes.

I learned so much about myself, about my friends and family, and about my God. 

He always, every time meets me exactly where I need Him to be and then brings me back to where He needs me to be.

Well...I made it...

to China and back.

2 passports

2 visas

3 teenage girls (orphans or not, still 15 year olds)

1 week of camp

64 hours of traveling (for real)

2 nerve frazzling train rides (apprently crushes of people freak me out)

2 trips to the Beijing local police station (no they don't speak English...)

12 broken hearts, changed forever

2 cameras

1 really old wall

and 17 days later

here I sit watching HGTV and waiting for sleep to come.

Thank goodness for the comforts of home and a faithful God who works everything out for His glory.

Never fear the next post will certainly have pictures. 

It will take a while to get the whole story out, but keep coming back, it will all get put into words.