it all began around 4:00 am on sunday morning when my rational thinking abilities were obviously in fine form. i had been awake for an hour at least already that night and had begun thinking.
my only real complaint about being pregnant has been the sleeping problems - even early on when rolling over didn't require a fully awake state. i just don't seem to enter into that lovely deep sleep state (the one where you are completely unconscious for several hours) - it has been illuding me for several months now it seems
anyway, back to my story.
since i was awake, i started thinking. thinking of any kind at 3 or 4 am is never a good plan. i was thinking about the big stuff...
do i want to get an epidural?
how do i find a long-term substitue?
this teaching thing is exhausting...how can i possibly make plans for 6 weeks in advance?
when am i ever going to find time to complete my teacher work sample (the major project due for my teaching class)?
will i ever be able to breathe through my nose again?
what about this....and this....and this....the list went on and on.
i got myself so worked up i started crying. i didn't even know i was stressed about most of that stuff. the best of lindsay always comes out in the middle of the night.
luckily, i have a lovely husband who is willing to get me some water, some tissues, and sit and speak truth to me even at 4:30 on a Sunday morning.
we came up with some good ideas like:
Ryan: "you don't have to decide about the epidural tonight...the baby isn't coming now."
me: well that's true.
Ryan: "why don't you email your department chair on monday and just ask a few questions about how other teachers have dealt with maternity leave? i bet she has some suggestions."
me: well that might help. good idea.
Ryan: "in the morning, why don't we pull out your big assignment and make a little calendar and set some deadlines."
me: yeah, that could work. sniff...sniff...
Ryan: "let me get you a breathe right strip. it will help you breath, it's not just for snoring."
me: oh ok...do you think it will help?
Ryan: "yes, my dad swears by them."
me: ok, i guess that would be ok.
Ryan: "maybe you should try to get some sleep."
me: yeah, i'm pretty tired.
Ryan: "i bet you are. let's say a few prayers and you try to sleep."
me: ok, yeah, ok.
seriously, why do i insist on having these discussions and minor panic attacks at ridiculous hours of the day? but apparently it's just another aspect of my character to love. thanks hubby for talking me down from the ledge and reminding me of the bigger picture. you love me, the baby will love me and jesus loves me. what more could a girl really need?