haphazard musings

back to school, back to school

a little reference to billy madison, with adam sandler, not my proudest movie reference, but one that reaches way back into my high school days. :)

i have now been back to school for going on my 3rd week.  and it has been good.  so good.

i do love teaching.  my students have reminded me each day how much i am exactly where i should be.  another reminder comes each time one of them inquisitively asks about my little fish tattoo. and each time i visit with another teacher who reminds me about the the reason that they teach, and that it is the same reason as mine.  

i LOVE that each day i get to INVEST in kinds that NEED investing.  if there was any doubt that i am reaching students, that doubt was asuaged when i received a note from one of last year's students who reminded me that while my school is a tough place to teach, it is a great place to be.  she also mentioned that she not only learned about english, she learned about life and about how to let Christ's light shine even when we are NOT talking about it.  that note really made my first day back a confirmation of God's calling for my life.

so far my second first week has been about 300 times better than my first, first week.  honestly, i like teaching so much more than i did last year.  and since i have a nearly grown-up babe, i might as well be ready for my empty nest and keep on teaching - she is driving after all.

in preparation for teaching this year i decided i needed to do some things to make life a little less insane.  this includes freezer meals, bulk food preparation, a little cleaning help, a husband who has pretty much taken on the laundry task completely (he rocks), and a little less wasted time watching tv.

i spent a friday morning over the summer with one of my good pals, Megan, who has negotiaged to have fridays off from her job (yay, megan!) making freezer meals.  we each made two double recipes and swapped.  it was a fun time to be together chatting while our babes played and took naps.  her little man is about 8 weeks older than maelle.  she made spinach lasagna roll ups and broccoli, chicken and rice casserole.  i made pizza casserole and pioneer woman's chicken spaghetti (i blogged about it once before).  the roll-ups and pizza casserole we put in throw away aluminum pans, but the rest we stored flat in gallon size freezer bags.  i prefer the freezer bag method.  they stack so nicely.

these were just my meals...

I also have made a couple other meals along the way.  certain recipes i try to double when i make them, it's really just as easy to make two as to make one.  so i made some meals as a house warming gift for my bro, who just recently bought a house and doubled them all and just tossed 'em in the fridge.  those meals were a little more basic, but still pretty yummy (he's picky!).  i made tater tot casserole and ham and potato casserole.  another classic freezer meal in the frasier household is called chalupa. 

i think i am up to about 10 meals in my freezer, i figure i can pull out one a week (they will all have leftovers) and make it through october!

over the next few weeks i will share the recipes with you.  i am excited for a reason to get back to blogging.  i have missed my theraputic writing.

i have also been trying hard to prep a week or so of food at a time in order to make my weeks a little easier.  last week looked like this.

i ended up with 10 shredded beef (roast in the crockpot) and black bean burritos (rolled with some spinach and cheese) for lunch and 5 individually packed smoothies (just add 1/2 cup yogurt in the morning). as well as around 2.5 cups more of adobo beef in the freezer just ready for tacos or something later on.

this week looks like this.

that is 5 jars of shredded chicken (crockpot again) mixed with leftover pasta salad full of veggies 5 jars of granola (ready for a 1/2 cup of yogurt and a handfull of blueberries in the morning) and 6 full pounds of shredded generic chicken ready to be tossed into enchilads, chicken salad, soup, bbq sandwiches, etc.

so now i am ready for another week of school with easy, healthy meals for breakfast and lunch and a freezer full of quick and ready made meals.

this process on sunday during nap time leads to evenings full of family time and relaxation!  yay!!!  that means lots of happy snuggles with our little gal who is always ready for a par-tay. 

 

focus.

sorry no pictures today, just words.

i know i have blogged about contentment before, but it just keeps coming back.  is that a sign? or perhaps a nudge that i should be working what contentment looks like in my life?

i would say there is a good chance.

God chooses to speak, but do we listen? it's hard isn't it.

so definition...

merriam-webster online tells me that contented means:
feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation. 

consider the following:

i have more than enough things.

i am a) happily married to a great man,

       b) joyfully (almost always) mothering a sweet baby girl,

       c) blissfully enjoying the summer benefits of being a teacher and teaching itself, and

       d) blessedly surrounded by loving, ecouraging, and faithful family and friends.

i live in a safe home with many comforts (thankful for air conditioning today!).

i have a Savior who was willing to die just for me (and just for you) so that i could know Him and be redeemed.

i will be enjoying a lemon-blueberry cupcake this evening (considering they are still in supply when i hit the cupcake place!).

i have reached a point in my life that i think i know who i am and am happy with the person i see.

now, consider this:

i think i need more.  more stuff, more happiness, more blessings.  why is that?  ugh.  it's super frustrating to battle with knowing the difference between a want and a need.  there are people who NEED.  and then there is me, i WANT.  hello, there big difference. 

i have been doing a Bible study with a friend along with her sister and her blog.  we are diggining into the book of Genesis to better understand God's redemptive plan and how Jesus is necessary and evident in the Old Testament.  it is pretty interesting so far. 

but as we were doing this, i got distracted by (or guided to) a bit about Eve.  you know the gal, she ate the forbidden fruit and blammed it on the serpent.  so what was her motivation for eating it you ask?  she had everything (she walked literally with God).  the only thing she didn't have was the fruit of one specific tree.  and she chose to focus on that one thing instead of the WORLD she had just received.  in the footnotes of my study Bible it says, "Eve shifted her focus from all that God had done and given to the one thing that he withheld." 

that statement stopped me in my tracks.

boom.

contentment.

it's about a shift in focus. 

it's a tricky world out there.  but isn't that the point?  we can't get caught up in the world.  we must get caught up in Jesus. 

what's your focus on today?

 

5 months

holy smokes, how can my baby girl be 5 months old? 

it's crazy!!!

but we are loving you more every day.  maelle, you are so much fun!  you're little personality is already coming through nicely.  you will be quite like your mom and her dad, i think.  all our best qualities...loud, funny, animated...  poor girl.

so here is a comparison for you.

one month

five months

it was hard to get a good one with the sign because you only wanted to eat it...

at 5 months, maelle, you are sitting up and just starting to roll over (only back to front) and scoot.  you can scoot two different ways though (we hope that makes up for the fact that you aren't really interested in rolling over at all and will only do it when tempted with a special treat (an iPhone or a cup will do the trick).  first you scoot by sitting on your bottom and bouncing so much that you will just barely inch forward.  the other scoot is a tummy backwards army crawl thing.  you seem pretty frustrated by it, because we think your really want to be going forwards...oops.

you're also VERY interested in cameras and really want to touch.  well really you just want to touch everything in sight.   and then you want to eat it.  it's so funny to watch and see what you want to put in your mouth.  lately, you have started gnawing on tables - nana's table, restaurant tables (yuck!), the coffee table - you name it you've chewed it.

you LOVE your feet.  you are constantly playing with your toes and trying to get them in your mouth.  you are usually quite successful!  pretty impressive flexibility.

you're also always happy.  now that you have figured out the benefits of a good nap, you smile nearly all of your awake time.  (currently, you have been out like a light for about 3 hours! i keep checking just to make sure you're breathing!)  you are getting so big, that blanket used to seem so big, now it seems like any day you might out grow it.

true to form and family, you, girl, are a TALKER.  you loves to hear yourself.  you will lay in your bed in the mornings just happily babbleing to yourself until someone comes to get you.  it is so sweet.  you will also talk the ear off your little elephant carseat friend, Tony Elephantae (affectionately dubbed so by your daddy).  you also loves to sing.  all. the. time.  we sang the wheels on the bus for a solid 40 minutes on our last trip out west while waiting for a little thing called sleep...after about 15 rounds of the repeats, your mommy and daddy got a little more creative with the verses, but you didn't seem to mind as long as we just kept singing.

finley and you are finally beginning to become friends.  you look at him and smile when he walks in the room.  mommy can't get a picture of you two because you won't hold still long enough.  he distracts you from all your tasks, diaper changes, eating, nursing, etc.  you have no focus when finley is in the room.  he is so gentle with you and is a little protective too.  he lays between your stroller and the other dogs at nana and papa joe's house, almost like he's trying to say, "this is my baby...get your own."

here are a few more pictures and videos to remind us and you about you at 5 months.

So funny! from lindsay frasier on Vimeo.

Swinging! from lindsay frasier on Vimeo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

transition

so we've had some transitions around here lately.  and thought you should know how they are going.

transition one: parenthood.

we are loving this - even if she isn't. :)

 

we are completely overwhelmed and in awe of her.

we are totally and unreservedly and unabashedly in love with her.

we are seeing a completely different side of ourselves.

i am mushy and ridiculous - i can't help but kiss her cheeks 50 times a day. 

ryan is completely wrapped around her itty bitty finger - he's in deep folks and we are praying her comes out of it before she actually gets old enough to ask for stuff...

and we never saw ourselves as people who would be those people who turn into gushy, the only thing we talk about is our baby.  however, we've totally embraced everything about it! and we talk ceaselessly about her.  it's a bit ridiculous.  hopefully, it will wear off a little. 

but we feel like we are getting a handle on how to not freak out and how to be flexible and how to do life with a baby.

transition two: back to school.

this one was harder and easier than i thought it would be. 

i realize that doesn't make much sense, but it's true.  i always thought i would be a mom who was totally ready to go back to work after her maternity leave.  however, i started dreading the return about halfway through my leave.  the first four weeks all i could manage to think about was feeding the baby, sleeping, and healing.  the second four weeks, i basically spent my days thinking "we are down to only three mondays...we are down to two mondays..." etc.  i cried about it several nights towards the end when i would think about it.  when people asked about it in the last couple days before leave was over, i started tearing up without warning.  ryan was totally worried that i had fully lost my ability to reason - at all. 

in the end, i cried all the way to school on the first day away from my girl. i took my mascara with me and got ready there. :) and then, everything went up from there.

i got to school and everyone was so nice on that first day and so encouraging - even my students.

in each of my classes at least three kids said, "mrs. frasier, we are so SO glad you are back."  and then four girl hugs and one really awkward guy side hug before the first bell, i was feeling pretty good about being there.  my co-workers are also mostly working moms, too and have been wonderfully encouraging.  and now three weeks and a spring break later, i am truly enjoying my job again.

i am still struggling with the balance and how to "do it all", but everyone struggles with that...right?!?  i'm not sure how to finish grading all my papers and write lesson plans and still leave as soon as possible after 3:10.  i am so eager to see miss maelle, i am completely worthless after the bell rings anyway.  i also really haven't figured out how to cook dinner after school either...BUT i really do love teaching. 

i love my students. 

i love that maelle is at school with me at the daycare at school.

i love the look my students get when they appreciate what we read or they feel confident about what they have written.

i love that i get so excited to pick up my girl after school (and sometimes see her in the middle of the day).

i love that while i feel like i am moving out every time i leave for school and that i may never feel rested again, i feel like, for the moment at least, i have the best of both worlds. 

(ie, it's spring break and summer is coming!)

 

hi ho, hi ho - for real this time.

so tomorrow is the actual big day.  the day i hit the road and get to see all my students again.  and i will say i am ready. 

thanks to the amazing snow days, we've had extra cuddles and extra fun. God seemed to know that i just needed a little more time with my family.  He's so good that way. 

i feel confident that tomorrow will be hard, but good at the same time.

plus snow just always puts me in a good mood!

It's just so lovely, even though it comes with a little hard work.

some really fun times have been happening around here.  little miss has started talking and mimicking the sounds mommy and daddy make.  it is the CUTEST thing!  and am so glad i was home to hear it for the first time!  the video i took doesn't seem to be working, so i am going to have to work on that for next week for our two month post. 

i also realized i forgot to post the pictures from month one.  next week will be our 2 month check up and we will have all new pictures and information.  until then, here we were at 1 month.

At one month you are eating a ton.  Seriously the nurse was shocked at the amount of weight you have gained since we went in for your two week check up.  you also have been drinking from a bottle really well and swallowing up 4 or 5 ounces at a time!

you don't cry very often - yay! but you certainly let us know when you need or want to eat!  you have started to be quite fussy between about 6 pm and 8 pm.  you just seem to be out of sorts and waiting for your bath - wichi you love!  it's your spcial time with daddy and you and he both love bathtime.  he even made up a little song about bathtime just for you.  you smile and kick your feet in happy anticipation of the water.

you don't have any cool tricks yet.  but you do really hold you head up and look all around you.  you want to know what's going on all the time, just like your mama did when she was little.  you have trouble taking naps.  you want to be held for your naps and it make it really hard for your mama to get anything done.  sometimes your dad asks what i did all day and i tell him, victoriously, "i brushed my teeth." 

at night you sleep really well.  you have been sleeping from about 10:00 to 6:00 since about 3 weeks.  we are so proud of you!!!  and so thankful.  the first night you slept that long, i woke up with the alarm clock in sheer terror that something horrible had happened.  it was so scary and then it turned out to be wonderful.  :)

and so now, i will say goodnight.  i have to get up early! :)

 

 

six weeks: humor and humility

our little girl is six weeks old this week.  hard to believe.  but here she is...

all 10 pounds and 6.5 ounces of her.

in the last six weeks we have learned a lot about two things: humility and humor.

i feel like the two must go hand in hand, and i am sure they must be learned together in parenting.

first humility. 

ryan and i have learned that we know very little and have no ability to raise this little gal on our own.  thank goodness for family and friends who give wisdom and advice when asked. 

but mostly we are thankful for a God who will give us grace when we do it wrong.  thankful for a God who provides wisdom and guidance in His word.  thankful for a God who asks us and desires that we come to him with questions, doubts and fears as well as joys and plans.  thankful that we are working to raise a daughter who will know and follow Christ and who will hopefully forgive our mistakes and shortcomings as she begins to realize that we make them.

everyday we are overwhelmed by this little gal.  she is wonderful and amazing and totally perfect in our eyes.  but she is also totally unpredictable and stinky and desperately helpless (as she should be - she is a baby after all).  since she arrived, my prayer life has changed dramatically.  i find myself seeking grace, wisdom, patience and everything else under the sun.  it's pretty amazing this little girl is teaching me lessons already. i have truly learned how to pray - not just for her, but for everything.  i have prayed more for myself, for friends and family, and the future than i ever have before.  she has taught me about my desperate need for prayer.  it's pretty humbling to be taught lessons by a six week old baby, especially when i have been working on that lesson my whole life.

seriously, it's amazing how that little face will take me to my knees. 

second humor. 

now, i know that you guys all think i am so, so fun (which i totally am) but we've reached a whole new level of humor around here.  i have a couple stories for you...

last weekend we visited Limon with the little gal - road trip. 

lesson one...babies need to eat all the time and they will only eat on their time table - not mine.  a six hour drive turned into a 7.5 hour drive. but over all i would call it a huge success! 
lesson two...if you are going more than 30 minutes from home a mama should always bring a change of clothes.  you may be thinking i mean for the baby and you are right, but in this instance, i am also talk about for the mama.  so, we went to church with Nana and Papa Joe and it's around an hour from home in Castle Rock.  i took little miss into the nursing mothers' room and proceeded to do just that.  after a quick diaper change, she was eating away and next thing i know, i began to feel a strange sensation on my tummy.  it was all warm and damp and then it was very warm and very wet!  somehow this little chick proceeded to pee all over me.  her diaper wasn't even remotely wet.  i have no idea how that is possible, but it totally happened just that way.  i was totally grossed out and summoned my hubs who was in the church service.  he obviously sympathized with my plight, he informed me there wasn't much he could do to fix the problem.  he didn't have an extra shirt either...
lesson three...target is my new best friend.  luckily, target was just about 3 miles from church.  after the service was over we just popped right over and bought me a new shirt - bonus. and some bigger diapers.
lesson four...apparently one should bump up to a bigger diaper size slightly before the recommened weight change.  collection capacity is key. :)

 

funny story number two. church in hillsboro. (please note the white seater, the white blankets and the white burp rag.)

ryan was asked to help lead worship at the hillsboro campus of our church this past weekend.  so maelle and i decided to go along. 

we had to be there around 8 am but the service didn't start until 10:30.  so little miss fell asleep in the car on the way there and i just hung out with her in the truck until she woke up and was ready to eat.  then the plan was to change her into her church clothes and head into the service. things were going quite well.  she slept quite a while, i read a book, she woke up and scarfed down her breakfast like a champion and then did her business (diaper containment was successful). 

and then, as i was changing her diaper, she decided she needed to go a little more and out comes a very large and very orange amount of #2, quite forcefully, in the backseat of the pick-up (aka ryan's 2nd favorite thing).  i am sure that many would have paid good money to see the look of sheer panic that must have been on my face.  so like any normal person who doesn't want to wait for a 2 hour church service and a 30 minute drive to clean up a STINKY mess (and who couldn't bare telling her spouse that his daughter proceded to poop all over the backseat), i instinctively put out my bare hand and blocked the spray. 

i was proud and horrified and totally disgusted all at once.  and i managed to keep the seat, her clothes, my clothes and everything else totally clean.  however, i do believe i should revisit lesson two as noted above.  always bring a change of clothes - just in case.

these things just have to be funny.  it also has to be funny that she has projectile spit up sometimes (maybe we should measure her distance and we could be in the record books) and that she pees in the bathtub and that finley thinks he needs to eat her rubber ducky.  if it wasn't funny, i think we would just be angry and frustrated all the time.  luckily, ryan and i are both quick to point out the humor in nearly any situation, so this lesson has come pretty naturally for us.  but it can be pretty difficult to remember to laugh when you are wet and tired and smelly. :)

thank you maelle for the lessons.  i'm sure you will be teaching us many more.

 

 

 

4 weeks

well we can't believe it, can you?  our little gal will be four weeks old tomorrow.  she's been here almost a month already and we are still just in awe of this little gal.

she has been the best baby so far. here are some fast facts about maelle's first 4 weeks:

she sleeps like a champion.  most nights she averages 6 or 7 hours at a time, then eats and goes right back to sleep.  we are VERY thankful for her sleeping abilities.

she has started sucking on her thumb, her fingers, her fist, the blanket, my hair...whatever she can get close to her mouth.

she has rolled over twice from her tummy onto her back.  she is pretty opinionated and stubborn and just seems to decide how long tummy time should last and when she's done, she's done.  finley, however, loves tummy time.

she loves when it's time to eat.  and she really loves when her daddy gives her a bottle.

she has almost outgrown most of her newborn clothes already.  she is just too tall for them. luckily she is getting lots of new clothes from all her friends.

she falls asleep really well in the car after a few moments of really loud screaming.

she is still sleeping in our room in her cradle and rocks to her heart's content.

she is a great little snuggler.  her favorite thing is to cuddle up next to someone wrapped up in a blanket.

she has begun to like bath time and almost smiles when you pour water on her tummy.

but when it's time to get out of the bath...it's another story entirely.

that's maelle at four weeks old.  she's been a barrel of fun so far and we are so excited for the next four weeks at home together.

 

 

ugh...kids

luckily, i am not talking about my kid.  she's too cute to say "ugh" to.  don't you agree?

thanks ian for the wonderful pictures.  more to follow later. :)

this is about the kids at school.  even though i'm not there, i am still getting reports of their dumb-ness.

i get the occassional email from my long-term sub saying:

"lindsay, so-n-so has an f.  they apparently don't think they need to turn in their assignments." 

"lindsay, so-n-so turned in an exact copy of about.com for his research paper.  how do i deal with this problem?"

"oh man, so-n-so has such an attitude whenever i tell him that he can't sleep in class."

"and so-n-so, he totally creeps me out. he is strangely over-comfortable..."

seriously.

i don't even know how to deal with this.  exact copies off the internet.  really?

you didn't even change the font? or the paragraphs? or anything. 

you can't even cheat successfully. 

these kids are so, so frustrating.  i know they are smart.  i know they can do it.  i just don't understand what makes them think the choices they make are good ones. 

laziness abounds. 

ugh.

it's so annoying and really pretty embarrassing to have someone come into your classroom to teach your students and they are breaking laws, being rude and disrespectful, slacking off.  i guess i thought i had these kids "under-control" or at least, i felt like we had reached a mutual understanding that this is how you act in my classroom.

so annoying.

so embarrassing.

dumb kids.  for real.

thankfully, my sub is made of steal.  none of this seems to phase her and she just deals with the kids in the same way i would.  luckily, she is very comfortable dolling out F's if that is what the kid deserves and so am i. 

the kids don't know what's coming when i get back.  they thought i was cranky pregnant.  i would anticipate my first few weeks back will be rough.  they haven't seen cranky until they see a sleep depirved, new mama who misses her baby and has poop on her scarf and puke in her hair.  (totally possible my friends.)

look out kids, here comes mrs. frasier (but not for a few weeks).  we are going to throw-down. 

and i will win that battle friends. 

a NEW year

well it is a new year and over here at the Frasier's we have had several new experiences!

we will remember Dec. 31, 2012 forever as the day our first child joined our family!

little Maelle Rose said hello via c-section at 8:58 pm on New Year's Eve.  Hopefully this little chick likes to party since there will always be a worldwide party on her special day.

we had a GREAT staff at Newton Medical Center and really appreciated thier attention and dedication.  they even took some pictures for us in the c section room which was pretty awesome.

ryan's first cord cut.  he was excited that he still got to "cut" the cord even though he couldn't do the actual cut since the doctor had to do it.  the big blue arrow points to ryan.  his hands are he gloveless ones. :)

the anesthesiologist took a couple of pictures for us.  he was pretty funny.  mama meets baby for the first time.  I love that they let me wear  my glasses the whole time so that I could see what was going on and it helped me stay calm since without my glasses i can't see past the end of my nose.  :)  it was very kind of them!

our first family picture.  i wish i was looking at the camera, but as you can see the rest of me was still engaged in other work.  :)

ryan changed his first diaper!

maelle's first instagram.

her first binkie and wave.  (side note: now she hates the binkie - the love affair only lasted 2 days.)

one week old - her first week.

welcome to our family little miss.  it's hard to believe we've only known you two weeks since we love you to bits can't hardly imagine things without you.

 

closing thoughts

well friends, i know i am not a mother quite yet, but today i feel like a mom, who doesn't want to be a mom today.  or maybe it's just a teacher who doesn't want to be a teacher today.

i have answered the same 15 questions all day long.  and they are dumb questions.

you know how people tell you growing up that there are no dumb questions...well, whoever it was that told you that was lying.  there are dumb questions.  i get asked 15 or 20 a day.

for example:

can i use my study guide to answer the questions on this final exam?

    no, you may not, it is a study guide, for studying, not for testing, hence the name study guide.

* * * * * * * *

do i have to take the final?

    yep.

but i wasn't here the last 3 days.

    how is that my (lindsay's) fault?

well, i didn't get the work.  

    did you come ask for it? or did you let  me know where to send make up work?

no, but i still shouldn't have to take the final.  

    well, really your options are 1: take the final, 2: take a zero.

* * * * * * * *

ms. frasier, what's my grade?

    well, you know i have 110 students, i have no idea what your grade is.

well, if i fail this test how will it change my grade?

    i don't know.

how do you not know?

    i don't know your grade, i don't know how many total points are possible in this particular class and i can't do mental math.  

all my other teachers could tell me.

    that's pretty cool.  here's your test.  good luck.

* * * * * * * *

    me in the middle of a discussion, literally mid-sentence.

miss frasier, can i get a drink?

    no.

incredulous look from student completely unbelieving that i said no.

* * * * * * * * 

ms. frasier, that biology teacher down the hall, she's hot!

    that's nice of you to say, but this is not an appropriate conversation.  change topics.

do you think i should go tell her i think she's hot?

    NO!

but i'm 18, it would be ok, right? 

    no absolutely not.  again, this conversation is done.  

* * * * * * * *

do you understand how these are stupid questions?  seriously they are so frustrating.

the other reason i am done today, is that i am tired of the rudeness and lack of responsibility.  

ok...gripe fest over!

done.

i do have some absolutely wonderful kids!  today i received 5 hugs from sweet kids wishing me luck with the baby and a merry christmas.  so sweet and three of them were even after i spent 10 minutes lecturing on behavior with the sub for January. 

so apparently some of them love me!  yay!

and a final, final thought on my first semster teaching.

i do think i am making a difference with a few.  their faces light up and get excited when they understand something.  they get pumped when their grade has improved.  and those kids make it worth it all.

* * * * * * * * 

and if you are wondering my due date is the 27th of this month.  and so far it doesn't appear that this child will be joining us on the outside any time soon.  

he or she seems to be thinking and planning for himself or herself already...which really shouldn't be a surprise as he or she is a product of two of the world's most stubborn and opinion-filled people i know. :)

don't worry, we'll let you know when the time has come!