haphazard musings

focus.

sorry no pictures today, just words.

i know i have blogged about contentment before, but it just keeps coming back.  is that a sign? or perhaps a nudge that i should be working what contentment looks like in my life?

i would say there is a good chance.

God chooses to speak, but do we listen? it's hard isn't it.

so definition...

merriam-webster online tells me that contented means:
feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation. 

consider the following:

i have more than enough things.

i am a) happily married to a great man,

       b) joyfully (almost always) mothering a sweet baby girl,

       c) blissfully enjoying the summer benefits of being a teacher and teaching itself, and

       d) blessedly surrounded by loving, ecouraging, and faithful family and friends.

i live in a safe home with many comforts (thankful for air conditioning today!).

i have a Savior who was willing to die just for me (and just for you) so that i could know Him and be redeemed.

i will be enjoying a lemon-blueberry cupcake this evening (considering they are still in supply when i hit the cupcake place!).

i have reached a point in my life that i think i know who i am and am happy with the person i see.

now, consider this:

i think i need more.  more stuff, more happiness, more blessings.  why is that?  ugh.  it's super frustrating to battle with knowing the difference between a want and a need.  there are people who NEED.  and then there is me, i WANT.  hello, there big difference. 

i have been doing a Bible study with a friend along with her sister and her blog.  we are diggining into the book of Genesis to better understand God's redemptive plan and how Jesus is necessary and evident in the Old Testament.  it is pretty interesting so far. 

but as we were doing this, i got distracted by (or guided to) a bit about Eve.  you know the gal, she ate the forbidden fruit and blammed it on the serpent.  so what was her motivation for eating it you ask?  she had everything (she walked literally with God).  the only thing she didn't have was the fruit of one specific tree.  and she chose to focus on that one thing instead of the WORLD she had just received.  in the footnotes of my study Bible it says, "Eve shifted her focus from all that God had done and given to the one thing that he withheld." 

that statement stopped me in my tracks.

boom.

contentment.

it's about a shift in focus. 

it's a tricky world out there.  but isn't that the point?  we can't get caught up in the world.  we must get caught up in Jesus. 

what's your focus on today?

 

on silence...

silence is an interesting thing.

have you ever really thought about it? i did today over lunch.  

i was sitting on a park bench eating a pb&j and wondering if i had ever truly experienced silence because i was so annoyed by all the noise (literal and figruative) around me: trucks, the grain elevator, people walking by, lawn mowers, and so on.  i moved to a couple different picnic tables and benches to find a "quiet" spot.

i thought i had found one, but as i was reading some poetry by Coleridge (for class...don't be impressed.), i was having a hard time hearing my reading over all the noise.  in this case it was a metaphorical noise: what should i do for dinner, what time do i need to leave for class, what should i do about this decision.

they (whoever "they" are...) say that "silence is golden." but why?  

you are in luck, i have a theory.

i can only think of a few times when i have been able to turn it all off and block it all out.  

it seems most of those times, when i have really experienced quiet, has been when i am in a beautiful place.

when i am in the middle of nowhere.  and my friends, the middle of nowhere is hard to find these days - it a much farther drive than it used to be.  

and here is my theory.  

first, there are way too many things in my house, outside, at the office, etc that are constantly whirring or buzzing.  things that are constantly "on" or people that are driving by.  i want to go outside and hear the birds singing, leaves rustling, bull frogs grunting, brooks bubbling, and nothing man made.  when i was a kid, i feel like i could hop on my bike and ride for 5 or 10 minutes and reach a place where i could experience those things.  as an adult, i feel like it would take a 30 minute drive to get far enough away to listen for those things.

so now i just need to learn how to listen for those sounds amdist the noise of the 21st century, and i might be able to have enjoy the quiet.

second, silence, the metaphorical kind, the silence that happens when i shut down all the thoughts in my head, can only happen when i am content.

"silence is golden" because when you can really experience it, you are living in peace, trust, rest, quiet.  i think i experience silence in beautiful places, because all the sudden i am so wrapped up in the Glory of God and the beauty of creation that i am able to ignore all the little thoughts, all the sounds, all of the stuff that makes us human and just "be" in that moment with God.  

Step out of the traffic!  Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above everything.
Psalm 46:10, The Message

that is golden silence, in it's truest form.

the question, however, remains...how do we let ourselves just be amid the noise of everyday?   

 

sometimes it's the little things.

In honor of my new outlook I thought I would star off March right.

So yesterday, the first day of March, here are the little things that made me happy.

1. I got to share some peanut m&m's with my "little sister" Destiny after she took a really hard test.  It's never too early to learn that a little chocolate can make a big difference. :)

ps.  I saw the new m&m commercial while getting ready this morning.  i just crack up. "oh it's that kind of party!"

2. When Destiny and I went back to math class, an interesting conversation occurred:

        Student 1 (to me): "Are you in high school?" 
        Me: "Oh my!"
        Student 2 (to student 1): "No way, she's in college!"
        Me: "Oh gracious me, I am 28, but you girls sure know how to make a girl's week!"

Can I show you the high school me?  Promise not to laugh at my corney picture. :)

(yep, turtle neck sitting in a clam shell on the beach...hmmm...)

3. Yesterday it was nearly 70 degrees!  I love the cold weather, but sometimes a girl needs a little sunshine on her face.  

and so do puppies...he was terribly excited.  barked at every person and dog we saw...so annoying.

4. Because it was lovely, I delivered posters for work for more than 1 hour.  Lots of people to talk to and warm breezes to catch.

5. I had a random memory of my brother and I (I think) figuring out how to say our names backwards...weird.  Mine was and is...

Yasdnil madacam, now Yasdnil reisarf

5. I ran!  In shorts (look out for my glaringly white legs when you are on the street here in Newton).  I think I went 4 miles, not all at once, but in intervals which are apparently my new favorite thing.  And here, I use the term "favorite" loosely.

6. I got a sweet note in the mail (like with a stamp) from someone that I see all the time.  Seriously that is the best.

need some new note cards, i love these!

from Paper Source

7. Words of truth, spoken outloud. 

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.  Pslam 62:8 

8. A scrubbed and bleached, purged, vaccuumed, and dusted bedroom, bathroom, and closet.  Hello dresser top, nice to see you again!

Hope the first day of your month was as good as mine!

 

some deep thinking

Following means obeying God's call for our family and taking the next step even when it is not spelled out. - Julie @ Breezy Acres Farm

Ugh.  Right.

Julie and her hubby, Ian are lovely people that challenge me each week to grow.  As friends, they truely show us what it looks like to seek fully after God's call for their lives.  And that little blurb from their blog this week, reminded me again what that looks like.

So, I have recently been having a little pity party for myself (never a good idea, but it's really easy to get stuck in one).  I won't go into details, but rather than reaching out and leaning on Jesus, I have been having a pity party.

Not cool.

"even when it's not spelled out..." that's really what gets me.  so even though my plan isn't working out, i have to remember that God has plans for me.  it may feel like this...

i can totally feel Dorothy's delima here...you have to make some choices, but you really want to be way down the path. you know, over the hills and through the woods (if you don't mind my mixed metaphor.)

Dorothy finds guidance in the form of a lovely new friend, the scarecrow.  but luckily, i have a way, way better guide, i just have to remember to ask him.

so instead of having a pity party, i am going to try to embrace what i have right now and learn from the truths that i know.  

we sang this on Sunday and I was really able to clearly hear the message for the first time.

Hungry, I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry

Chorus:
So I wait for You
So I wait for You

so this is me waiting...:)

why is this so hard?

you know, i think that might be the most asked question in the universe?

i find myself frequently asking this question about many things throughout the day.

why is it so hard to get this printer to print?
why is it so hard to get out of bed in the morning?
why is it so hard to make dinner without creating such a big mess?
why is it so hard to walk up 5 flights of stairs when I can run 2.5 miles?

you get the idea.

so my why is this so hard question for today is:  why is it so hard to think about others?

why is it so hard for us to internalize the plight of others even when the stats speak for themselves?

there are 147,000,000 orphans in the world today.

there are at least 12 million slaves in the world today.

there are 30,000 deaths every week due to lack of clean water in the world today.

and so on and so on...

 

we, Christians, are tasked with doing something about these problems.  right?

so why is it so hard to remember that i am called to do something?

something big or small, something near or something far, just something.

i know the facts.  i know what i am asked to do.  and i think i can answer the question.

 

it is hard to be uncomfortable.  it's hard to choose to think about those things.  it's hard to choose to notice the things that might make you want to change your routine.

you know when i realized that?  well...it was sunday night...at youth group...where i am "supposed" to be the adult that has things figured out. :)  hopefully, i still have the girls at least a little bit tricked into thinking that i have some things figured out.  we have been talking about what we can do in our community and futher to make a difference.  and we were talking about our passions and what we might make it hard to make a difference.  and all the sudden a light bulb moment.

i don't like to be uncomfortable.  i don't like it at all.

so, a new goal...learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

a little tidbit

from this morning's study.

True religion.

For an example check out Acts 3: 1-10. 

Peter and John are headed to the temple to pray like they do all the time, and there they see a crippled man begging by the gate.  They stop and look the man in the face and say, I don't have any money, but I will share what I do have - Jesus.  Peter puts out his hand in faith, and the crippled man got up and walked.

Have you ever noticed how hard it can be to look right into the face of someone who desperately needs your help?

Why is that?

Well today, as I really looked at this scripture I realized, that I have a hard time looking into the face of desperation because I am afraid of what Jesus might ask me to do when I acknowledge the need.

True religion = looking it in the face and being ready and willing to act out of uncompromising faith.

What are you avoiding because you are afraid?